I once read a quote that said, ‘A son is a son ‘til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life’. No disrespect to the author but as a mom of 2 boys, I refuse to believe this.

I remember getting irrationally irritated when I read this quote. Was she telling me that my sons were only temporary and that I’d lose them to their life partners? Or worse yet, if I had a daughter, she’d still need me? Not buying it.  #sorrynotsorry

I am sure there are parents out there who can attest to this quote being true. However, I’d like to believe there are also parents who can disprove it. It’s natural for things to shift once you have a child start a family of their own. I truly believe a lot of factors can determine whether a child would disconnect from their (original) family. For example, personality, level of closeness, privacy, stress and family drama, and the relationship between the child’s partner and his parents/siblings. But this isn’t reserved for just sons.

The idea that my sons wouldn’t need me anymore once they married really bothered me. Perhaps it was just fear getting the best of me. I know this is a long time off, given their ages, but I don’t plan on saying goodbye when each of my sons say, “I do’. So, I will work hard at disproving this quote. I will try to build a foundation that will sustain our relationships for, well, forever.

Here’s how:

• 1. Open communication:  I’ve always followed the rule that states ‘if you don’t listen to the small stuff, they won’t tell you the big stuff’. Why else would I know so much about Pokémon and Fortnite? I created a very open dialogue with my kids at a young age. They know they can tell me anything. We also talk about feelings a lot. Their future partners will either love me or hate me for this.
• 2. Raise Mama’s boys:  While this wasn’t intentional, my boys are Mama’s boys. Not in a creepy way, more in a ‘they love their mom and are very protective of her’ way. How could they not be? I’ve been single parenting them for 6 years. As primary parent, they are with me all the time, learning from me, watching and listening to me. I’m raising these two little men, and they have become so close to me. I truly value my relationship with my boys.
• 3. Talk about the future:  My oldest wants to have a well-paying job, but not work too much that it keeps him from his family. He also wants to drive a fancy car. My youngest wants to be happy with a wife and kids and a comfortable house. Playing in the NHL is also on his goal list. We talk about education, schools, and travelling. But the thing is, they factor me into these plans (of their own accord). In fact, they have my future planned for me.  Each of them wants me to live with them when I am older. Both will have a basement apartment for me, whether (and I quote) “my wife likes it or not”.  I’m rethinking the creepy factor here.  
• 4. Spend time together:  Create traditions, whether it be games night or Taco Tuesday’s. Spend quality time together. I try to invest in my kid’s interests. For example, I hate sports. In fact, I can’t throw or catch a ball to save my life! Yet, you will see me outside playing street hockey with my youngest son. I will shoot hoops because it means I get to spend time with my oldest. Guess what? I will keep doing this until I’m old and grey and my knees or hips give out, whichever comes first.

My 10-year-old promised me, out of nowhere, that he will still want to spend time with me when he’s older. I chose to believe he meant that. I joked and said “of course, why wouldn’t you? I’m super cool “, but inside I was ugly crying. He also said he’d bring me Reese’s peanut butter cups when he visits me. He knows the way to my heart, that one.

Of course, I am not naïve enough to think that things won’t change as they grow up. In years to come, new love will take priority. But that’s okay, because it’s not a competition. Once they are raised, I will take pride in their independence and the men they will have become. It’ll be my turn to take a backseat. But you mark my words, I will still be along for the ride with these men, who will still be my sons.

In the famous words of Robert Munsch, when it comes to my boys, ‘as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be’.